Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Healthier, happier me...(inside my head)

So in just about a week it will be one year since Beauseph and I moved up here to Western North Carolina. A lot of people ask if I have any regrets about having left a job I loved and a city so close to Beau's family and our friends to move up here, but I honestly don't. Do I miss the people we love, yes but we've met great friends up here. Do I miss the job I loved, sure but we're building a life together up here and sometimes that means sacrifice.

After moving up here I realized how much I had put my life on complete hold since being the victim of violent crime while living in Atlanta. I had literally stopped living life. I hardly went out at night, I didn't run outside anymore and I really didn't do much outdoors unless Beau was there within 20 feet of me.

Then we moved up here. A place where small towns still exist, people are still friendly, and kids still look you in the eye when saying hello. Life changed for me in a subtle but freeing manner and I was living life again. I can go out at night (alone or with Beau) without a sense of fear. I run again (I hadn't done race of any substantial distance since 2008 when everything went down, I had blamed that on my job, but it was really my fault for being afraid to leave the house to run alone). And I'm just living a healthier life in general.

The only thing I really regret is the friends that I may have alienated while working through the things I worked through. No one has ever come out to me and said that I've did alienate them but I get the sense that I have and for that I'm sorry. I'm a firm believer in the idea though that everything that happens leads us to where we are today, so I can't look back with total regret on that because it got me to this healthy, happy place today and for that I'm grateful.

And honestly the guy who deserves a lot of credit for his patience, kindness and lack of any real social life while I got to where I am today (and continue to get to where I need to go to keep healing) is this guy right here. I love you Beau and thank you for letting me work through what I needed to to be me again.

P.S. Sorry for the somewhat happy but sad post. My mom is in town this week and showing her the town I love has made me retrospective and realize how far I've come. In the future, this will focus on not only the inside stuff that I'm doing to live a better life but the outside stuff too. I've lost 10 pounds since 1/1/11 and lots of people have asked me for advice on that so I'd love to share some tips on that kind of stuff too.

Thanks for reading!

No comments: