I know I posted on here not too long ago that we would be trying. To be honest it doesn't seem like we have tried for that long but the process of finding an agency or route for adoption began long ago so even if the placement didn't take long, the process seemed to go on forever.
Our sweet girl was born just before Thanksgiving and we plan to have an open adoption with her birth family. While the whole wanting a baby, figuring out we couldn't have one naturally, pursuing one agency after another before finally deciding to pursue private adoption, meeting a birth family, having them pick us and waiting for Annabelle to be born took forever; I now see that God had a special plan for us. He wanted her in our lives, not any other baby.
Throughout the process of infertility, grieving missing out on things like pregnancy and breastfeeding, normal excitement like baby showers, I always said that I knew God was the architect but I just wanted to see His plans. That may have been easier, but in a way all the hard times have made having Annabelle home with us even sweeter and easier.
I know there are many of you out there struggling. It is hard. Sometimes downright awful! Sometimes you don't want to get out of bed in the morning and then you do get out of bed only to drag yourself into work to find out via facebook that someone that hadn't been trying is pregnant. Those days still make me tear up. That hurt is real and you are allowed to feel it. You are allowed to grieve pregnancy. You are allowed to cry to your significant other that it isn't fair that you can't allow yourself to feel happy when your birth mom is 8 months along and your friends want to throw you a shower but you are fearful she could still change her mind and why can't any part of this process just be normal?
I promise you all those struggles will be worth it one day. That one day will provide you with the baby you were meant to love. The baby that needed you! But in the meantime, feel those emotions. Deal with them. Just like your prego friends are allowed to be hormonal you are allowed to be emotional too!
At the end of all of it, you will hold a precious angel in your arms and you will want to do nothing but be overjoyed with emotion and allowing yourself to have felt all that you felt, you will have nothing left to do but be overjoyed and it will ALL be worth it. I promise.
Merry Christmas to all of you but especially to those adoptive mommies-to-be! My heart goes out to you and my prayers are filled with hope for you!
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.-Jeremiah 29:11